Yesterday, when I woke up at 2pm around and checked my WhatsApp, I found
a message from one of my friends about Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide. Even
before I could get off the bed, I quickly checked it on Google and wished it was fake, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. All through the day, I went through Twitter,
Google and multiple News Channels to know what had really happened. They say he
committed suicide and medicines to treat depression were found from his house.
This is not the first time I have
heard about the shocking and untimely death of someone. Every time, I get any
such bad news, I become silent because I could never figure out what to say. I have sympathies but no words to express. But Sushant’s death has affected me. I remember that I followed him on
Instagram since his movie M.S. Dhoni – The Untold Story was released, and I
really liked his acting. I felt like he did justice to the character.
Today, there had been hundreds of
posts from my friends, acquaintances, Bollywood Celebs, and others praying for
his soul to rest in peace and requesting others to be kind and caring towards
our near and dear ones. But there was one such post that really caught my eye.
A picture of the actor with the text “nobody invites me to their parties”. I
quickly Googled again to check if he ever said that! I came across one of his
interviews from the year 2016. On asking if he still feels like an outsider by
the reporter, Sushant stated, “No, I have started getting invited to these
parties, so I guess I’m improving a lot”. Reading this, I was like what, was
being invited to parties was really a deal? No, it wasn’t. The real deal might
have been the feeling of being left out and not being good enough.
I remember he used to share on
his IG page that he was going through some bad times and to overcome it, he
started practicing meditation and a few other remedies for self-healing. He once
shared a list of things he wanted to do. He would also post a picture every day about
his progress. Seeing all his posts, I would think, “Oh these people also face
such challenges but it is really brave of him to put all this on social media
and let his fans know he was going through some low point in his life. People
must have been really judgmental”. If I would have posted any such thing, people
would have commented “Oh, get a life!” or “Choti choti baaton ke baare me itna
load nahi lete”.
Today, when I checked his Insta page,
there were none of those posts. What really made me feel bad was that from his
posts, I saw he had problems, but he was trying. Trying hard enough to bounce
back.
No matter how many of us advise
others to communicate or talk when they have problems, but in reality, either
it is us who are not able or available to help or them who feel nobody would
really understand and they sink deep into those killing thoughts. And it all
came back to me. All those thoughts and feelings that used to depress me and
make me cry in bed silently so nobody could know if I was upset about
something. These thoughts are the viruses that eat us up from the inside.
Have we become so rude to others
just to make ourselves look cooler? That we vibe with society. That we are
so strong on the outside but even the smallest of comments make us feel dejected.
We don’t know what the other person is going through. And it can be anything – finances,
relationships, physical appearance, emotional or physical abuse, work, or some
medications. We don’t know if someone had a dysfunctional childhood, if they
are having conflicts with their partners, if they feel inferior seeing others
doing good in life or just overthinking about something they did 5 years back.
So far, we don’t know the exact reason
behind him taking this huge step and I wonder what all those newcomers in the
industry and the actors who are not as successful as Sushant must have been
going through. Life is so fragile, and it does not come with an undo option. I
just wish we can be a little more kind to others and love ourselves a little more
every day.
